tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
