just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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