I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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