I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
