Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
