It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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