Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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