come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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