Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
