I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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