He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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