I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize