it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
