Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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