my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
