Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize