Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
