i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
