He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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