Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
