hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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