Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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