Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
