hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
