I've blown a few things in my day
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
