Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
