I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
