So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
