if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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