Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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