I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize