I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
