Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
