Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I love you.
Bad choice
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
