I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
