Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
