considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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