**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
