I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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