North Korea, Best Korea!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
