put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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