You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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