I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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