I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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