Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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