Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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