you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
