Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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