STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize