I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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