Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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