Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
