Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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