god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
