All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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