So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
