I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize