man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
