Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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