Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
