you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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