Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
