Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
