Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
