I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
