Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
