I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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