I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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