It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
