Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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