dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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