I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
