HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
