i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
