i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
