Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
