I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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