DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
