This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
