I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
