you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
bring money and cleavage
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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