some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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