I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
