i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
