LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
