woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
