you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You dont lie about slip and slides
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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