You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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