I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
