You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
