someone get that fucking seahorse.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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