Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize