Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
