i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
