honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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