I think I won the penis lottery.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
is wine microwaveable?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
