Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
