i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
