I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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