My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
