fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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