Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize