If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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